If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Microchips. 58. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 184. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. 176. 142. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. No, but April may. Life always offers you a second chance. I enjoy every minute of it. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. We frequently doubt ourselves. 189. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Because they make up everything. - Unkmown. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 135. East 192. 252. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 1. 21. 173. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 242. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. The rest are too expensive. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 5. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. In the morning, I cant get up. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Have a look! My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. 38. Run. Not everyone has to like me. 86. 96. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 183. The best things in life are free. Bill Murray "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 43. Erma Bombeck. 9. 134. Bill Murray, 251. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Life always offers you a second chance. 3. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. 79. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 220. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. I can do this. 76. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 163. He who laughs last didnt get it. I did it! Your words become your actions. Wilson Mizner, 262. 2. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. "We . To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. A backbone. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 151. Chop your own wood. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Paul Ehrlich Its called tomorrow. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 123. 163. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. 263. 130. I'm having a staff meeting.". 36. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. No No NOYes. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I'm a peli-can! 154. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. 1. 267. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 134. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 60. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 230. 275. I breathe in and out. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. With time, I have started to value more time. -Katrina Bowden. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 78. Take a look! Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 49. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. I tried, but they wanted cash. 146. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. I am on a seafood diet. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I nourish my body every day. 11. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I can always think of something funny to say. Stuart Turner 81. 169. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 68. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Gary Delaney "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 199. 113. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. How do astronomers organize a party? 144. It makes them so damned mad. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Short Funny Quotes. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 6. Live life to the fullest. 9. I am grateful for all that I have. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 1. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Bill Murray, 257. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. 14. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 137. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. The library, because it has so many stories. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 109. Ive been doing nothing for years. 229. You wanna know who Im in love with? 93. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 180. 120. Exercise? You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I never apologize. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 5. 15. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 51. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. 8. 126. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 249. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 270. 27. 132. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". 2. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. 59. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Ken Dodd, 255. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Ken Dodd You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 248. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 84. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 139. 1. It just plain forms. 6. 7. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! I understand people talking about me. 191. I see the funny side of life more and more. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. And get over it. - George Burns. 107. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. But it'll move up again.". I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 126. 88. 231. 186. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 37. What is the tallest building in the entire world? In between, I am alive., 7. I intend to live forever. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Sincerely, yourself., 2. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Description for this block. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Steve Martin, 254. 141. 75. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Sam Levenson. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. I am too lazy to be lazy. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Some when they enter, others when they leave. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 8. Bill Murray, 260. I believe in what's possible for me. George Burns 128. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. I make the right choices every time. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I breathe in and out. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. But you can always be immature. What do you call a bear with no teeth? - TS Eliot. 5. We have a connection. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 240. 141. Why did the school kids eat their homework? When you leave work on Friday, leave work. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . Rodney Dangerfield. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 7. 158. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Frances McDormand, 42. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 210. Emphasis on the cool. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 85. 66. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 26. 260. You deserve it! I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. no rich foods. 99. 25. 209. I see food, and I eat it. 153. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Today I will embrace the poop. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 101. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 67. You wanna know who Im in love with? 9. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 184. 32. It has nothing new to tell you. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. Everyone brings happiness to this office. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. 174. 103. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. I receive what I believe. 65. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. My liver still works. I am intelligent. 136. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 266. I am so f*cking awesome. 1. "If you see me talking to myself. 92. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Honolulu, its got everything. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 225. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 3. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 201. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Wilson Mizner I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 36. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 100. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. What is Mozart doing right now? Can February march? You were too lazy to read that number. Make it inspiring. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. A wishbone. I get up, dress up, and show up. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 102. Sincerely, yourself. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. 273. 228. 155. 119. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I am quite fascinating. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. It was created to do amazing things. 94. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. Steve Martin Milton Berle I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 82. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 145. Albert Einstein. 272. - Christopher Reeve. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 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